Time in a Bottle

I guess it's because I am not religious, and consequently do not have a particular belief that anything happens after death, that I have always been acutely conscious of taking in every moment of the one life I know I am guaranteed to have... this one. Ever since I was little I would frequently pause and allow myself to soak-in whatever moment in life I was experiencing, especially if it was a moment I deemed to be special. If I was at Disneyland at ten years old I would pause through out the day, look around and just soak in the happiness. When I am traveling in new places I am constantly taking moments in, trying to desperately hold on to them as long as possible by imprinting them in my memory. (Maybe this is why I have the memory of an elephant).

During my semester in London I inadvertently used music to help me remember every moment by listening to Coldplay as I traipsed all over the city. I never rode the tube (subway) because I didn't want to miss one second of living in my favorite city in the world. I walked everywhere in London, taking different routes everyday, trying to see as much of the city and the history as possible. I walked to my job at Harrods everyday, an hour and fifteen minutes each way, just to allow my eyes more moments to canvas the city. Now whenever I hear a song from Coldplay's first album, my mind takes me back to my time in London. It's amazing.

Since London and backpacking Europe, I have had many more soak-it-all-in moments, like my wedding, pregnancy, and special days in New York City.

Quentin has intensified my need to soak-in every moment. Everyday I find myself sitting and gazing at him, watching him learn about the world, fascinated with how he sees the world. I don't want to miss one single second of these precious times and I am desperately searching for the magic brakes that will allow me to slow down time so I can take every moment in. I have yet to find them. The difference with Quentin is that I am not just trying to imprint every moment in my memory, I am trying to imprint them in my lungs, in my skin, in my heart, anywhere I can.

A few minutes ago my little guy and I were sitting in the rocking chair for our nightly bedtime reading and listening to Coldplay lullabies. We sat and rocked and read. Q was running his little hand along my arm slower and slower as he became more and more tired. Usually we stop reading because Q gets fussy and squirmy but tonight he just sat and listened and touched my arm. When I finished the last book he grabbed my hand and we sat and rocked with Coldplay swirling through the air, my chin resting on the top of his head, my arms cradling his sides, rocking, rocking, rocking, until he fell asleep.

I may not be a religious person but that moment is my kind of heaven.

Jim Croce, you're a genius. Your song enters my head in these moments, everytime.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go through time with